Unprofessional Emails

Our Emails

  • I.O.U.
    "This ridiculous story of yours does not settle anything..."

  • Threat Level Burnt Orange
    "Perhaps you should spend more of your time getting your facts straight instead of creating meaningless "threat levels" that you think are funny."

  • Transported to 1972
    "My supervisor has not been born yet..."

  • Pretty Girl Next To The Scanner
    "The only scanner that is currently working on my floor is right next to a pretty girl who I get very nervous around."

  • Simple Instructions
    "I don't know much about yeast infections, but I would assume that he should be cleared up in a few days or so."

  • Old School Courier
    "We are not going to pay for your courier and his food expenses."

  • Lying Interns
    "She's not exactly the sharpest knife in O.J.'s drawer..."

  • Hostile Employee
    "Please do not forward any more of her offensive emails to me."

  • Forgot Password
    "Please stop emailing me about this"

  • Holiday Party Dress Code
    "Please also be aware this is a company party, not a frat house"

  • Singles Cruise With Grandpa
    "My grandfather said he just wanted to get back out there and get some 'new trim' before he dies..."

  • Meetings About Meetings
    "I will see if I can meet with them after my meeting with them..."

  • Could You Please Hold...Me?
    "Please do not send me your friend's mixtape"

  • Lem-me Tell You What Happened
    "I'm afraid I cannot speak on the phone because I lost my voice at a Miley Cyrus concert."

  • Quite a Di-Lem-ma
    "You have serious issues. Thanks for the invoices."

    "I'll try to shoot this report over to you ASAP, if not sooner."

  • Time Zone Confusion
    "That is the oddest email I have ever read"

  • Poetic Justice
    "Your responses to her were extremely unprofessional and innappropriate"

  • The C.H.U.C.K. System
    "I really hope no one is monitoring these emails"

  • Surprise Ending
    "You gotta admit, that twist at the end was good though, right?"

  • Mistaken Identity
    "I do not know why you are telling me this."

  • Seis de Mayo
    "So I wake up on Seis de Mayo..."

  • Dr. Jake Van Swooti
    "So you're the guy that's been sending these ridiculous emails?"

  • Total Ellipse of the Heart
    "Despite my best efforts, there was absolutely no dot, dot, dotting."

  • Oh God
    "I suppose it could be 'very inspirational' to some fake tanned girls out there with low self-esteem"

  • Jeans Day
    "Nothing motivates me more than having the privlege of wearing a slightly more comfortable fabric for one day of the month..."

  • What's the prob-Lem
    "At first, I loved the fast-paced, rock-n-roll lifestyle of being a bill collector."

  • 'Wire' You Going to Law School
    "I too, believe that law is a calling and that I have been summoned or whatever."

  • Sunburnt
    "I am as serious as a sunburn about applying to ******* School of Law."

  • Forklift Operator
    "I have 99 problems and my ex-wife is 98 of them"

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