Unprofessional Emails

Jeans Day


From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 8:17 AM
To: DLIST-osgboa
CC: DLIST-*******_BOS; DLIST-*******ACRC; ******, John; *******, Michele; ****, Amber;
Subject: Jeans Day

Good Morning All,

Please find the attached spreadsheet. If your name is highlighted in yellow, please feel free to wear jeans this Friday (no skinny jeans, ladies). Great job everyone! Let's keep this momentum going and have a great 4th quarter!

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 8:32 AM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

It looks like there has been a mistake. My name is not highlighted, and I am pretty sure that it should have been. It's okay though, I'm not mad at you ;-). I am really looking forward to wearing jeans on Friday!

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 8:41 AM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

David,

Your name was not highlighted because you did not meet all of your goals for the third quarter.

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 8:58 AM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Which goals did I not meet? I thought for sure that I accomplished all of my goals for last quarter. I was really looking forward to wearing jeans on Friday.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 9:04 AM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

David,

You were only in your Over 30 and Over 90 goals. If you look at the spreadsheet, you can see which goals you did not meet and by what percentage you missed those goals by.

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 9:16 AM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Does this mean that I cannot wear jeans on Friday? I was really looking forward to wearing jeans on Friday.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 9:18 AM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Yes

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 9:36 AM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

I don't want to make a big deal out of this, but I do not think that is fair. I was never aware of what my goals were for last quarter. Had I known what my goals were, and had I known that if I met those goals I would be allowed to wear denim for one day of the month instead of the khakis I am wearing now, I can assure you that I would have worked much harder last quarter. Nothing motivates me more than having the privilege of wearing a slightly more comfortable fabric for one day of the month - nothing.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 9:45 AM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Dave,

I know you are just being sarcastic. I'm sorry that you were unaware of your goals. You should talk with your supervisor and ask him to explain the goal structure to you.

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 1:41 PM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Unfortunately, I am not "just being sarcastic." Ever since I was little, I have always been motivated by fabric, particularly denim. My love for denim started back when I was 8 years old:

I had a very foul mouth as a child. I would curse all the time - in school, at home, on the playground. It became a real problem. My parents didn't know what to do about this. They tried all kinds of things: washing my mouth out with soap, sending me to my room for hours at a time, threatening to put me up for adoption, etc. But none of it worked. If anything, this just made me curse even more. One time, my dad pulled out a hundred dollar bill and told me that if I didn't curse for a week, he would give it to me. You know what I did? I told him to go stuff* himself.

Then, one day, something amazing happened. I was at the mall with my mom while she was shopping for clothes for me. I was doing my usual thing of yelling obscenities at her and the people in the store when I accidentally brushed up against a pair of jeans. This was the first time my skin ever touched denim. It was magical. I told my mom that I needed to have a pair of these jeans. She said she would buy them for me if I promised not to curse for a week. Just as I was about to tell her to go stuff** herself, I felt the denim one more time with my hand. I knew I couldn't give up the opportunity to wear this sacred fabric, and so I agreed not to curse for a week. I wore those jeans all day, every day, for the next week and did not utter one obscenity. My parents then rewarded me by buying me more pairs of jeans. The interesting thing about this is that not only did I refrain from using foul language anymore, but my grades in school also dramatically improved after I starting wearing jeans.

This phenomenon was the subject of a very important and famous study conducted in the mid 90's by the late Dr. Gene Eugene of Harvard University. Along with his team of grad students, he conducted multiple studies on me and hypothesized that my positive reaction to jeans was genetic. He determined that I had the "jean gene." Under the highly controversial Gene Eugene Jean Gene Theory, it is said that the presence of the "jean gene" indicates that a person, while wearing jeans, will be more productive and friendlier than when not wearing jeans.

Years after this groundbreaking discovery, Dr. Eugene discovered a variation of the "jean gene" that he called the "skinny jean gene." After extensive research, he discovered that the "skinny jean gene" was found exclusively in hot girls between the ages of 18 and 35. However, in the early 2000's, Dr. Eugene noticed that the presence of the "skinny jean gene" had also been found in men, particularly "those weirdo hipsters who wear ironic t-shirts and don't shave."***

Dr. Eugene was so disgusted at this finding that he retired from genetic research for good. In an interview with Time Magazine (or it might have been the Harvard Newsletter, I can't remember right now) he explained why he was retiring: "I always told myself that I would retire the day that studying jean genes stopped being fun and felt like a job. The fact that men are wearing skinny jeans now is just wrong. It's just flat out wrong. I can't be associated with this anymore. When it was just hot girls wearing skinny jeans, this job was great. But now...dear God...I just can't do it anymore."

Anyway, I just thought you should know that men also wear skinny jeans, so you should probably warn the guys in this office not to wear skinny jeans on Friday as well as the ladies. Actually, if you would like, I could forward this email out to the whole office and let them know that skinny jeans cannot be worn by either gender.

*I used the actual word

**I would have used the actual word

***Quote from Dr. Eugene's 2004 book, The Metamorphosis of the Skinny Jean Gene: From Hot Girls to Hipsters

Thank you,
Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 2:17 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

No, do not send any email out to the whole office. How do you have time to make up a long email like that? And you wonder why you didn't meet your goals...

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 2:44 PM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Ouch.

One more quick question: do you think it would be okay if I wear jeans underneath my dress pants on Friday?

Thank you,
Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 2:49 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Are you being serious?

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 2:53 PM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Am I being serious? Me? Yes of course I am.

Thank you,
Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 2:59 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

No you can't.

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 3:15 PM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

I just had a thought. It was this: there should be reverse italics for when you want to de-emphasize a word in a sentence.

I had another thought too. This one is more relevant to our conversation. It was this: how would you or anyone else even know if I wore jeans underneath my dress pants?

You wouldn't. That's the beauty of it. In fact, I'm wearing jeans underneath my dress pants right now (can you tell?). Hence why I've been so productive and friendly today.

Thank you,
Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *****, Cheryl
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 3:24 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Stop emailing me about this.

Thank you,

Cheryl *****
Work: 410-***-****
Fax: 410-***-****
Email: ******@*******.com

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Tuesday, October 5, 2010 3:26 PM
To: *****, Cheryl
Subject: RE: Jeans Day

Cheryl,

Ok. I'm sorry*.

*This would be a time where I would de-emphasize this word. It would show that I am apologizing but that I don't really mean it. Like when a parent forces her kid to apologize to another kid for something he did and the kid says, "I'm sorry," but you can tell he doesn't mean it. There's no way to convey my lack of sincerity right here. This is why we need reverse italics.

Thank you,
Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****


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