Unprofessional Emails

Seis de Mayo


From: *******, Lisa
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 9:31 AM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: Michelle ***** PO

Dave,

This may be an odd question but...do you happen to have the original copy of Michelle's purchase order from June of 2006?

Thank you,

Lisa *******
301-***-**** (phone)
301-***-**** (fax)

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From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 11:26 AM
To: *******, Lisa
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Lisa,

That is not that odd of a question. Would you like for me to tell you an odd question I was asked once? Sure you would. I will tell you the very odd question, but first I will give you the unnecessary background information.

It was Cinco de Mayo my junior year in college. A bunch of my friends and I went out and got a little bit out of control. Some highlights of the night include:

- My friend Bonesy immediately ordering 40 shots of rail tequila* for 8 of us.
- Me convincing a girl at the bar that there is no such thing as "Mexico."
- My friend Lumpy losing a dance off to an equally lumpy female.
- Bonesy sending an email at about 1:30AM to his teacher for his 8AM class the next day saying he couldn't come to class because he had to go to a funeral**.

So I wake up on Seis de Mayo in my apartment. I'm sitting at my kitchen table with my shoes on and my contacts still in. Lumpy, in true Lumpy form, is lying on the floor using an empty pizza box as a pillow. I get up and get a glass of water. I ask Lumpy if he's alive and he lets out a groan. Then he asked me the oddest question I've ever heard. He goes, "Hey man...is today Thursday or Sunday?" The best part: it was Tuesday.

*I want to start my own liquor company called Rail. It will be extremely expensive. So when some drunk college kid comes in and says, "Gimme a shot of rail vodka" he will have just ordered a $10 shot of my vodka. Whoops.

**He completely blacked out, forgot that he sent that email, and went to class the next day. When he walked into class his teacher said to him, "I thought you were going to a funeral this morning?" Bonesy's reply: "Who died?"

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

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From: *******, Lisa
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 1:48 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

So do you have the original PO or not?

Thank you,

Lisa *******
301-***-**** (phone)
301-***-**** (fax)

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From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 2:05 PM
To: *******, Lisa
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Lisa,

I'm not sure if I understand your question.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

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From: *******, Lisa
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 2:08 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

What don't you understand? Do you have the PO or not?

Thank you,

Lisa *******
301-***-**** (phone)
301-***-**** (fax)

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Wednesday, December 8, 2010 4:55 PM
To: *******, Lisa
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Lisa,

Oh, now I get it. I should have it, but I just can't seem to find it at the moment. I've checked everywhere (my stack of unorganized papers on my desk, my drawer of unorganized papers, the area under my desk covered in unorganized papers, etc.). This reminds me of a situation that happened last week. Actually, come to think of it, it was 7 months ago. Would you like for me to tell you about the situation I am referring to? Sure you would. I will tell you about the situation, but, as always, I will give you the unnecessary background information first. It was Cinco de Mayo of this past year. It was a Wednesday, which means it was ladies' night. It was also my alcoholic co-worker's 30th birthday, so a bunch of us were pretty much obligated to go out. It was a "perfect storm" type of situation. Some highlights of the night include:

- Getting everyone at the bar to play the "Tequila" drinking game with us to start the night*.
- My alcoholic co-worker, Gene, calling me "one of his best friends." I didn't even know his last name at the time. Actually, I still don't know his last name.
- Me convincing a girl at the bar that Cinco de Mayo is not always celebrated on May 5th.
- Gene's wife showing up at the bar and asking him for a divorce**.

So I woke up on Seis de Mayo feeling like a sack of dimes (I don't know what that means, but I feel like that's the most accurate description of how I felt at the time). I came into work about 2 hours later than I usually do. I spent most of the day figuring out what kind of stains were on my shirt that I was still wearing from the previous day/night. I had a beer stain, a tequila stain, a pizza stain, and a blueberry stain. Blueberry? Yes, blueberry. After I solved my stain caper, I got an email from someone who asked me for an original copy of a PO from like 5 years ago. I looked for it and couldn't find it. That's very similar to the situation I am in right now, except I do not feel like a sack of dimes at the moment and I'm fairly certain that the stain on my shirt right now is blackberry, not blueberry.

*The game is quite simple. The song "Tequila" by the Champs is played and anytime the music stops and they yell, "Tequila!" you yell, "Tequila!" and take a shot of tequila (high fiving ((Or as I was calling it, high cinco-ing)) others around you who just took a shot is encouraged). This turns out to be 3 shots of tequila over the 2 minute 13 second duration of the song. I believe this is referred to as binge drinking.

**It was hilarious. I've never seen a grown man cry like that before. Poor Gene.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

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From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Thursday, December 9, 2010 10:02 AM
To: *******, Lisa
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Lisa,

I think I just found the PO you are looking for. Hooray! It appears to have a few strawberry stains on it though. I think that is from the strawberry jam that I keep on the floor. I leave the lid off to make it easier to access when I need a spoonful of jam throughout my busy day.

Actually, you know what? This is not Michelle's PO. This is the PO for a guy named Larry*. I will keep looking for Michelle's PO and let you know if I find it.

*I like the name Larry, but I feel like that name is dying. One of my biggest fears is that in 50 years, there will be no more Larry's. I hope that doesn't happen.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

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From: *******, Lisa
Sent: Thursday, December 9, 2010 2:08 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
CC: *****, Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Stop emailing me this nonsense and focus on doing your job. I got a copy of the PO from Beth, who was able to find it in 5 minutes. I should not have to go to her for this. That is not her job.

Thank you,

Lisa *******
301-***-**** (phone)
301-***-**** (fax)

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From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Thursday, December 9, 2010 4:54 PM
To: *******, Lisa
CC: *****, Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

Lisa,

Thank you for CC'ing Beth on that email. I will also CC her. Speaking of CC'ing, I just imagined a skit that involves Yankees ace, C.C. Sabathia, and his teammates. It went like this in my head:

Derek Jeter is holding court in the Yankee clubhouse. He's cracking jokes and being everything you would imagine Derek Jeter to be (funny, charismatic, affable, dreamy etc.) Suddenly, he sees C.C. Sabathia walking over.

Derek Jeter: Hey guys, here he comes.
A-Rod: Can I say it this time?
Derek Jeter: No, you said it last time.
A-Rod: Did not.
Derek Jeter: Did too!
A-Rod: Did not!
Derek Jeter: Did too!
A-Rod: Did too...no wait -
Derek Jeter: Aha! Gotcha! It's Mark's turn to say it.
Mark Teixeira: Who me?
Derek Jeter: It's your time, kid.
Mark Teixeira: Thanks dad.
Derek Jeter: What?
Mark Teixeira: I said thanks, Derek.
Derek Jeter: Oh.

C.C. Sabathia approaches.

Derek Jeter: Hey C.C.
C.C. Sabathia: Hey dad.
Derek Jeter: What?
C.C. Sabathia: I said hey, Derek.
Derek Jeter: Oh.

C.C. Sabathia goes to his locker. Mark Teixeira looks over at Derek Jeter, anxiously. Jeter gives him a nod.

Derek Jeter: Hey Mark, could you send me that really important email we were talking about earlier?
Mark Teixeira: Sure. Hey C.C., do you want me to CC you on that email?

Teixeira, Jeter, and the rest of the Yankees explode into laughter. They are rolling on the floor as if that was the funniest joke ever.

C.C. Sabathia: I told you guys to stop making that joke! It's not funny and it hurts my feelings.
A-Rod: Yeah guys, stop picking on him. He's just like one of us. Sure, he's morbidly obese and his name is just 2 letters...but he still has feelings.
Derek Jeter: You know something Alex? You make a good point there. He is morbidly obese.
A-Rod: Thanks dad.
Derek Jeter: What?
A-Rod: I said thanks, Derek.
Derek Jeter: Oh.

So that's how it played it out in my head. I like how the players call Jeter "dad." I found that part funny. The skit overall? Eh. It's not really my kind of humor.

Well, it's almost 5 o'clock, so I am going to be leaving. Please let me know if either of you have any questions or need my assistance in any other way.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

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From: *****, Elizabeth
Sent: Thursday, December 9, 2010 5:07 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
CC: *******, Lisa
Subject: RE: Michelle ***** PO

WHAT. THE. HELL.

Regards,

Beth *****
702-***-**** (office)
702-***-**** (cell)


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