Unprofessional Emails

'Wire' You Going to Law School


From: Law Admissions
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 1:30 PM
Subject: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>

Dear David,

You have caught the attention of ****** University School of Law.

Although our seats are filling up quickly - less than 40 remain - we encourage you to apply! We think a student with your record would truly appreciate the rewarding and transformational legal education ****** Law provides.

Take advantage of the opportunity to apply to ****** Law with these advantages:

- No application fee
- Prompt scholarship consideration
- A quick admission decision on your completed application

To claim these benefits, simply go to the online LSAC application here. If you are already registered with LSAC, all you have to do is add ****** Law to your list of schools.

We believe that law is a calling... a means to serve others and to make a lasting difference. If this approach appeals to you, you might be just the kind of student who would thrive in our supportive Christian community.

We would also like to invite you to visit us on Friday, May 20 for a special event welcoming prospective students to campus. This event offers you the opportunity to attend free financial aid and legal research and writing workshops: a great value no matter where you enroll.

David, though it may be late in the spring, we are still interested in reviewing your application.

Sincerely,

Roger A. *******
Dean and Professor
****** University School of Law

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From: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, May 17, 2011 at 2:11 PM
Subject: RE: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Law Admissions

Roger,

Thank you for your email. I have not decided on what law school I am going to attend yet, but let me tell you something: your school has caught my eye. I too, believe that law is a calling and feel that I have been summoned or whatever. Growing up in Baltimore has exposed me to a lot of crime. It has showed me just how badly we need good, moral lawyers out there who are both good and moral. I want to serve the people! I stand for justice! Could you provide some more details about the supportive Christian community at ****** Law?

P.S. I will not be able to make it to the event on Friday (kickball).

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you! I am VERY excited about this opportunity!

Dave

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From: Law Admissions
Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 12:32 PM
Subject: RE: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>

Dave,

Thank you for your interest in ****** University School of Law. ****** Law is a close-knit community of scholars, our students receive rigorous legal training plus the added benefit of a Christian perspective through which to view the law. Our unique academic curriculum provides for an open, scholarly analysis of how the Christian faith impacts legal study and practice. Our students enjoy an excellent and rigorous legal education, outstanding professors, and supportive classmates.

I would encourage you to visit our campus. I believe that a visit to ****** would reveal significant information about the mission of the school and your place in our community. We have various events scheduled throughout the year. Please view our website for times and dates.

God bless you as you plan for your legal education. We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Roger A. *******
Dean and Professor
****** University School of Law

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From: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 2:04 PM
Subject: RE: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Law Admissions

Roger,

Thank you for the additional information. I will not be able to visit your school anytime soon (kickball playoffs). But I don't even think I need to. ****** Law is the only school that GUARANTEES a close-knit community of scholars. I have not had any other school personally GUARANTEE that if their community is not close-knit enough for me, they will give me a full refund of my tuition like ****** Law has. Sold! I am putting the finishing touches on my personal statement and will be submitting my application very soon. I can't wait to join the close-knitted community. That is my second favorite kind of community (First: friendly).

God Bless,

Dave

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From: Law Admissions
Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 2:17 PM
Subject: RE: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>

Dave,

I think you are confused; we do not guarantee a refund of your tuition if our community is not close-knit enough for you. I am not sure where you got that idea from.

Sincerely,

Roger A. *******
Dean and Professor
****** University School of Law

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From: Dave Trojanowski <********@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, May 18, 2011 at 2:32 PM
Subject: RE: Your academic performance has caught our eye, David
To: Law Admissions

Roger,

I got that idea from your previous emails. You may want to consider how you phrase your emails in the future because it seemed abundantly clear from the language you used that you guarantee a full refund of any student's tuition if the community is not close-knit enough for them (that advice is free of charge ha! ha!). As lawyers, you and I both know how just one word can change the meaning of a sentence.

I have just submitted my application along with my powerful personal statement about how growing up in Baltimore has inspired me to be a lawyer. Let me know what kind of scholarship I get. See ya in the Fall.

Thank you,

Dave

Personal Statement:

I have grown up on the mean suburbs just outside of the even meaner streets of Baltimore City ever since I can remember. I've seen murderers. I've seen burglars. I've seen drug dealers. I've heard about arsonists. A friend of mine told me one time about a rapist that he heard about from his friend Ron. These are bad people (the bad guys, not Ron. He's actually a pretty decent guy. He had a Super Bowl party at his house a few years ago and he was a great host. Some of the other guests and I kept eating his buffalo chicken dip and he kept refilling it. I was like, "Ron, you don't have to keep refilling the dip. Go watch the game." And he was like, "Nonsense. I'm the host of this party and if you guys want more buffalo chicken dip, doggone it, you got it."). Some of these people have committed terrible crimes and have gotten away with it. Some have gotten away with murder! Once, I even heard a guy bragging about murdering someone. I was at a KFC enjoying some biscuits when I overheard a young man telling another young man that he killed a guy on the basketball court the previous night. He laughed and said he "lit him up" (Baltimore slang for shooting someone with numerous bullets). I couldn't believe my ears! It was right then and there that a sick feeling came over me. Part of that was due to the biscuits. I think they had been sitting out for a while. I now exclusively go to Popeye's for my biscuit needs. The other reason why I felt sick was that I came to the realization that there is pure evil in this world and there always will be pure evil. I want to put these evil doers behind bars... for good! (Or represent them if there's more money in that) Justice must be served!

I have had several acquaintances who have been acquainted with other acquaintances who are/were in Baltimore City's drug game. Most of them are dead or in jail. My friend Wallace was murdered by two of his best drug dealer friends. Wee Bey is in jail for life. My friend Stringer was murdered by a guy who wears a bowtie. D'Angelo went to jail and then was murdered while in jail (double whammy). Avon is in jail for a long time. Prop Joe got shot. I forget what happened to Marlo. Omar got got by a little kid. I didn't see that one coming. Seriously, the kid that shot and killed Omar was like 10 years old! No premium cable television series could make this stuff up! This is real life. This is Baltimore, Murderland (I came up with that). Don't ask me how I know all of these people. I don't even remember how I met them. The point is this: the mean suburbs just outside of the even meaner streets of Baltimore City have exposed me to a ton of crime which is why I want to be a lawyer and put these guys behind bars... for good! I live by a VERY strict moral code. (But if there's more money in defending these horrible people, I could do that too.) Justice must be served! Wait. I just remembered something. I know all of those guys through Ron. It was at his buffalo chicken dip party that I met them. We bonded over buffalo chicken dip and they all gave me their pager numbers so we could keep in touch. I asked why none of them had cell phones and they all just laughed at me. I tell ya, when those guys weren't murdering people, they were a real hoot!

I have had the unique experience of seeing both sides of the law. Two of my best friends are currently Baltimore City police. They are not "police officers," they are po-lice (emphasis on the "po"). That's what they call each other. They'll be like, "So and So... he's good police." It makes me laugh when they call each other that. Jimmy is a wise-cracking Irishman who is a bit reckless at times, but he's a darn good detective. He has a severe drinking problem due to the stresses of his job and because he is Irish. He gave up drinking one year, and consequently was not nearly as much fun to hang out with. Then he came to his senses, started drinking again, and was back to being everyone's favorite character. Bunk is Jimmy's partner. He's also a heavy drinker, womanizer, and just an all-around great guy. Sometimes, he refers to himself as "The Bunk". He cracks me up! He really should be a recurring character on a premium cable television series. Despite some of their antics when they are off the clock, they are doing noble work by helping to keep the streets of Baltimore safe. They have inspired me to do the same. We need lawyers out there who are ethical and know the difference between right and wrong; not these money hungry, morally bankrupt lawyers who are just in it for the money. By studying the law, I can devote myself to keeping the streets and suburbs safe by putting bad guys behind bars (or defending them if that would mean making slightly more money). Justice must be served!


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